The Goodfella

The Curious Case of Liberty

Liberty. How appropriate I chose July 4th to write about it- on purpose of course!  Like the movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", liberty is having some similarities with the main character. If you haven't seen the movie, Benjamin goes backward in age- born old and getting younger.  Sadly, I see this happening to our liberty. Its going backward, from the old true meaning of freedom, to a new, controlled tyrannicle democracy. You heard me right- democracy.  "But Mr. Goodfella, isn't democracy good?"' said the young boy to the old cigar smokin', cannoli eating, Italian-heritage American? "Not necessarily", say I.  Let's look at both for a moment. Websters defines Liberty as, "the quality or state of being free, the power to do as one pleases, freedom from arbitrary or despotic control".  It defines democracy as, "a government by the people, especially rule of the majority, a government in which power is vested in the people, and exercised by them through a system of representation,involving free election.  Its the "majority" and representation", that has me worried. The majority isn't always right- the representation (yes, the politicians on Capitol Hill), is usually wrong.  Liberty and Democracy do have some underlying differences. There is a quote I can refer to by Benjamin Franklin- "The more democratic we become, the more freedoms we lose". I can also refer to an analogy that has been posted on the internet many times in the past few weeks, " Democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to have for dinner". "Liberty is a well-armed lamb protesting the decision". "But Mr Goodfella, said the boy, "Are you becoming un-American because you think the people who run our government stink?" "No,little boy, the asshol--whoops, sorry, I mean the stinkers who run things, have nothing to do with my loving this country. I love it because it was founded on freedom and liberty, and I want it to stay that way. I don't want to see government tyranny."

Now for those of you who are wondering what got me started on this subject, continue reading the two items that follow that will drive my point home even more. There is a website call "The Guy from Boston" (theguyfromboston.net). I'm a regular viewer of Joe Ligotti's web video rants, and his latest one tells about a Massachusetts law to ban cigar smoking outdoors. Take time to watch it.  Joe drives home a point about government interference in our lives, and very abruptly states to the bureaucrats, "Leave me the fuck alone !!". Whether you smoke cigars or not, he is 100% correct about freedoms being lost.  In another case, a recent Los Angeles Times article, points out a man can't find work because no one will hire him since he has a bad credit score. They say because if this, he may be unreliable. Bullshit. This is control through, and a loss of liberty by a "majority"- our banking system- the Federal Reserve, not even a government agency- (I'll bet a lot of you didn't even know this). This poor guy loses his job because of our current economy, falls behind on his bills, and now he's unreliable?  I'll write two words that will prove this is crap-, Bernie Madoff. I'll bet he had great credit, but I wouldn't trust him to pick up my dry cleaning.  Need I go on?  Go back and read my FICO blog for more proof. 

Yes, we do need a government, but a small efficient one, not a big tripping on its own feet one.   Protect me from harmful things Mr. Government, not from myself, and not from something that is minuscule that I can easily avoid (like the outdoor cigar smoke). I want a strong military defense, not martial law. I want our food supply protected by the USDA or FDA, but don't tell me not to have a fat loaded triple cheeseburger. We need a good school system, infrastructure, and health system, but ones that can't abused by those who don't want to become legal US citizens.

Raise the flag, blow off the fireworks, I am a true liberty seeking American, who will fight for my rights, even if I have to call my congressmen or senator a lobbyist seeking jerk.  Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is in, and guaranteed by, the Declaration of Independence because our founding fathers knew it was right. Lets not disappoint them.  Keep fighting for it, for as Americans, its all we truly share.

Let's Get Ready to Humble

The economy. It's on our minds, and in our wallet. We hear about it everyday in the news, from our friends, and for many of us from the bill collectors. Everyone has a plan to improve it, and some of us just give up. We're saturated, and we're worried.  I know I am. I mean, who knows what's coming next. More bailouts, less disposable cash, hours cut at work, and fewer customers. Soon, we may all be applying for work at McDonald's, since they seem to be one of the few corporate entities actually making money. When times are tough, you can't go wrong with two double cheese burgers for two bucks.

In spite of all the gloom, though, there may be a bright spot. I call it being humbled. Wesbster's Dictionary describes humble as " not pride or haughty,not arrogant or assertive, reflecting, expressing or offered in a spirit of deference or submission". Now your probably wondering if I've been smoking to much "happy tabaccy"- how the hell is being humble a bright spot in anything! Well for some reason, the powers that be, i.e., God, Allah, Buddha, or whoever you think runs things in the universe, say that it's good to be humble now and then. Why- because its makes us aware that we are not "all that", not the most important thing on the planet, not the chosen ones. It makes us aware we have faults, and that maybe we shouldn't be so much of an asshole to those less fortunate.  This economy will humble a lot of us. Many of us will or have lost a lot. I have, and now instead of thinking, I want more, I know now I can live on far less. All the things in life I thought I was too good to endure, I find are an attractive diversion to "gimme-gimme-gimme". I mean, I actually look for on sale items at the grocery store now, and no longer go to Starbucks everyday.  Actually, I'm glad about that; I found my own coffee maker makes a much better brew!

Now, don't get me wrong, money is a nice thing to have. In fact those that still have a lot probably stopped reading this by now.  But, everybodys humble time will come. I truly believe this is what got us into this economy mess. The banks wanted more interest and fees, the car makers charged ridiculous prices on average vehicles, the real estate industry pumping up prices as high as they can, and little Johnny wants the Wii, and IPOD,  Mommy and her Juicy Couture purse and the Mercedes, Dad with the Gold American Express and the mistress on the side. Hmm, maybe I can get along with 150 cable channels instead of 250 plus the HD porn upgrade.  It all got expensive- then it all broke- now the fix may kill us. So now, we all find that maybe the dinners at home, trading in the BMW for a Honda, and just having a quickie with the mistress instead of supporting her isn't all that bad. It's a simpler life. Less headaches, and a chance to literally stop and smell the roses. My parents are in their 80's, and always thrifty, had a lot less of the, "Am I gonna hit my fiscal goals" syndrome, or, "How the hell will I make that huge car payment next month".  They got the one credit card, seven year old car, and basic cable TV way of life, and they will probably out live me for the less stress they have.

So being humbled will make us think better, plan better, slow done a little, maybe help those less fortunate, and keep us from spending money as fast as a fifteen year old gets an erection. Maybe we'll actually save some money. Maybe we can all enjoy life more, and cherish those things we love and care about. Even the MasterCard ads will admit those things are "priceless". 

Tax For The Memories

Its been a while, a long while, since I've posted anything.  Maybe all the news about our nations economy, friends of mine being laid off, homes being foreclosed, and my business in the shit can, has made me a little reclusive lately. A little? I keep a rope with a noose on it in my desk drawer at all times!  On top of all this, its tax season, and the only thing that I'll be getting back from the government is a letter of penalty from my 2007 taxes. Oh well.

Tax season in the U.S., is like a wild ride at Disneyland. Some of us find great joy in the ride because of the refunds, and others just vomit while riding, because they know they have to pay. The whole process of tax filing is too complicated, takes to long, and is a mystery to most. Even the name is glorified. 'Tax Season'. Like it takes a whole friggen season to file. Like we have to dedicate three months out of the year for this crap. It's about Turbo Tax, and H&R Block, and those dumb asses at Liberty Tax dressing up like the Statue of Liberty and waving like trained chimps on street corners to get you to use them. Its about tax attorneys, the thousands of IRS employees, and the dump-truck loads of printer ink you go through to print a copy of your return.  It's bigger than Christmas, and non- denominational at that. Everyone gets involved. State taxes, too?  Get me a Tylenol. 

I think its time, in a world where time is more valuable than anything, we simplify things. The U.S. Tax Code is 6,000 pages ! The bible is only about 300 pages! I haven't read more then a few pages in either one of them, but at least the Bible tells a story. It's time for a flat tax.  I can hear some of you screaming, "What about my write offs, what about my write offs!"  Fuck your write offs.  Everybody pays the same percentage on their income. Make 10 grand and if the tax is 5% you pay $500.00. Make 500 grand and your tax is $25,000. You have less taken from your paycheck,and may have more spendable cash during the year. Figure it out. At the end of the year, you fill out one piece of paper, make one calculation, and mail a one page form. Tax season becomes tax day. Life moves on. I mean, you're gonna eventually pay something, because if you show no income then you can't buy anything of value if you need a loan on it. Show too much income, and Uncle Sam gets a bigger cut. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  As my Uncle Stugots once said,  "A fine is a tax if you do something wrong, and a tax is a fine if you do something good". 

Now I know all the tax attorneys, tax preparers, tax software companies, IRS employees, and the big corporations, (because they pay almost nothing), hate my idea, and it will probably never happen.  I mean, what will they do with themselves?  Well,perhaps they can go work at Disneyland and run a theme ride. Then they can see the faces of those who rejoice, and clean up after those who puke,- just like they do now !

Saving Private Citizen

So its been a few weeks since I wrote a blog, and of course, in all the work, misery, and drudge I've been through lately, you had to know that the "great government bailout of 2008" had to be the issue that motivated me to write again.  So here it goes...

I know a family that lost their home, their car, their savings, and all of their pride and dignity because the breadwinner, whom we'll call "dad", got laid off from a job he had for 11 years.  The company he worked for became unprofitable, and was forced by its investors to outsource their manufacturing overseas to keep payroll costs down, so they can continue doing business.  Dad, being a good citizen and father, took any work he could to keep the bills paid and keep food on the table. Unfortunately, those menial jobs didn't pay enough, and the bills piled up. His credit rating plunged, and the banks closed his delinquent credit card accounts, and refused his request for a loan to keep the home fires burning. Disillusioned and dejected, he was forced to live in a two room basement apartment with his wife and three kids. Now, buying a weeks worth of groceries takes half a paycheck, and gas for his car so he can get to work, takes most of the other half. He is an American citizen. He worked all his adult life. Never committed a crime. Always had respect for others, and raised his children to stay in school, off drugs, and help those who need it. He will continue on under what is sometimes is unbearable pressure, because he has no choice. He loves his family.

If you are better off than this guy, consider yourself lucky. If you think it can't happen to you, think again. The circumstances may be different, but the end result can be the same, or worse.

Today, October 3rd 2008, our government gave $700 billion dollars to the banking and financial institutions of this nation to ensure they remain solvent. But, if you think "Dad" can go and get a loan tomorrow at the local branch of his bank, you're got some serious psychological issues. If you think the economic conditions in the country will now change, stop smoking whatever it is you're on. If you think the credit market will loosen up so the company that Dad worked for can get a loan to keep hiring Americans, wake up- you're dreaming. If you think that the homes of those who are at the edge of foreclosure wil be saved, (it's too late for Dad), you're watching too many happy ending movies. Only the institutions, our banking systems, will be saved, so they can continue to pay their CEO's and senior executives millions, and satisfy the "fat cats'' of the investment markets so they don't lose their millions.

Our "politicians" made a grave financial and moral mistake today. The 700 billion given to guys like Dad would have given every American citizen over the age of 18 about $100,000. They could have paid off their credit cards, bought a car, put a down payment on a home, or paid off some of their mortgage. Now, that's real help for the economy. Most of the money would have gone back to the banks, which would have helped their "insolvency" issues. For our politicians, our leaders, our bureaucrats, that would have been too risky. That would have put the power in the peoples hands. Democracy slowly dies, tyranny is born.

Usually, I have a few jokes or sarcasm in my blogs. This, however is serious stuff. Saving the citizens is what will keep this country going through tough times. They are the country. "By and for the people"; that's what America is.  That's what the country was founded on, and that's what we need to keep it alive and great.

 One of our founding fathers and former Presidents once said,

 "I believe the banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow the banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, than by deflation, the banks, and corporations that will grow up around the banks, will deprive the people of all property, until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."     Thomas Jefferson 1802

If you feel they way I do, I urge you to forward this blog, and your own thoughts, to your elected officials. I urge you to check the Senate and Congressional role on this vote, and not ever re elect those that voted in favor of this bailout. The right to vote is one of the last true unobstructed freedoms we have, and the only one that can really make a difference now.

To all the "dads" of this country, and all those working class citizens and small business owners, keep going no matter what- you will live on long after the banks fail and keep swallowing each other up- you are the true power of the America.

 

Unreasonable Men

Today, I'm very upset. I'm not upset over business being off, expensive gas, the high price of food, or that my dog took a dump on the carpet. No. I'm upset over a story I heard on the local news tonight, that gnawed at the very heart of what I call, "government interference". Keep in mind now, I don't consider myself anti-government. I am not promoting the campaign of some unknown candidate who thinks the entire social fabric should be dismantled. I am a regular hard working American citizen who believes in this country, understands that we need laws, and will fight for the rights that our forefathers died for. But when those I voted for to lead us, and those I support to guide us, whether in my voting district, or not, do unreasonable and un-American things, I have got to speak up. I have to use my right to free speech and press.

Now that I'm done with my preamble, let's look at what got me going.  My local news (ABC 7 San Francisco), reported that the city of Clayton, California, shut down a roadside fruit stand operated by two young (ages 6 and 11) girls, based on a single anonymous complaint. The police explained to them,that it is illegal to operate a business such as this in that zoning area, without a license, and that the stand was causing a traffic jam.  The ABC reporter interviewed the neighbors, and none of them noticed a traffic problem, nor did they care about the stand being there, and that the produce was actually quite good. Next they interviewed the mayor, a Mr. Greg Manning, who stated, "The rules are the rules" and regardless of the fact they were just little girls they had to shut them down. He also stated, "Who knows, next they might be selling chickens and eggs"!  The only chicken they should even think about selling is this sniveling little weasel of a mayor!

Now, there is what is called the letter of the law, and there is also the spirit of the law. All cops and attorneys are taught this concept in their respective places of education. Here, we have the letter of the law being enforced. Now some of you hardliners are saying , Well, it is the law, and they broke it".  Think about this though, if every police officer, prosecutor, and judge went by the letter of the law in minor incidents like this, we might all do some jail time.  These are kids, selling fruit in a little stand in front of their home. I can picture this Norman Rockwell slice of America now. It's not three guys from Budapest selling carpets on a street corner, or two guys from Italy selling meatballs out of their garage. ( I'm Italian so I used this one so nobody is offended). It is two little girls. They should be commended for their efforts in American capitalism, and selling a healthy product, not some sugar laden soft drink. They are learning to run a enterprise, not glued in front of a computer or TV, or out trying to learn how to run drugs.  Get over it Mr. Mayor !!  Protect those kids from child predators, or terrorists, and protect their parents from crooked mortgage brokers or burglars.  I mean you got one - read again -one complaint about this, and the person didn't even have the guts to identify themselves. Maybe it was you Mr Mayor, because you were bored.

Now some of you reading this from Kansas or Maine are probably saying, "So what, it doesn't affect me".  Think about it. If one person, and some bureaucrat can do this to a couple of kids, what about you? In America we have rights, and they shouldn't be eradicated by some small town dictator. What will be the letter of the law that comes down on you or your loved ones? Yes, we do need laws, but real laws that protect the good from the bad.  Let our police go out and catch some real crooks.

I urge everyone reading this to send an email to the Mayor of Clayton, telling him to find another job. His email is gmmann@hotmail.com. I'm sending this blog directly to him. He's gonna love me for this one!

National Confusion

So many things to write about. So little time. Occasionally, like now, I have trouble picking a subject to write about. There are so many things going on in the world that affect us. I mean we've got economic issues, security issues, an upcoming presidential election, war in Iraq, thinking about war in Iran, and the possibility of the world ending in 2012, just to name a few. There's so much, it's confusing, and confusing to all of us. 

I've already put my two cents in about the election, and some economic factors on other blogs, but what I never realized is that some of the things I read and hear about are just strange. Everything seems to be tied together in some nonsensical juxtaposition that makes everyday living just friggen confusing!  Everybody I talk to, or deal with, is having a problem, and they walk around like they have cranial rectalitus ( the medical term for having your head up your ass). Why? I don't have a firm answer, but let's look at few things.

The stock market is up one day, down the next. Normal you say? Yes it varies, but it has more highs and lows lately than my Bi-polar ex-wife. Oil goes up, it goes down- Wal Mart has a good week, it goes up- General Motors tanks, it doesn't move at all- and McDonald's comes out with a new menu item and everybody starts buying on margin!  Confusing? You bet! Anything at all makes it move 200 or 300 points. Our illustrious leader G.W.Bush said the market is "drunk", and dumb as this sounds it also makes some sense.  Where is the validation?  The Wall Street gang is as confused as the rest of us.

Here's some more. $4.00 for a loaf of bread! $20.00 for a Pizza, (A good one, not that Little Nero's crap or whatever the name is)!  I won't even touch the gas thing. How much to send the kid to college?  The adjustable rate mortgage kicked in and the payment is how much?  Whadaya mean I'm laid off? Heating oil is going up this winter?  What, this is a toll road now?  My son is broke and coming back home to live?  My sixteen year old daughter is pregnant!! The dog has aids?!?!  Wow, I'm confused.

And more. Tomatoes have salmonella- no, wait, it's jalapenos- or is it just peppers? Booze is no good for you- no, wait, those that have one or two drinks a week live longer!  Chocolate makes you fat, but dark chocolate prevents heart disease. Cell phones give you brain tumors, but just some of them. Little cars save gas, but big cars save your life, especially when a big car hits a little car- or is it when a little car hits a big car?  Open a free checking account, but the bank might fail. Drink tap water to save money, but its contaminated, so drink bottled water that has no minerals which is bad for your health, or drink vitamin water that has calories, or spring water that who knows if a deer didn't take a dump upstream and contaminate the spring??   Still confused?

Here's a beauty. Being widely distributed on the internet, is the information of our demise in an apocalyptic ending of the world on December 12, 2012. This will happen by the earth being slammed by a huge asteroid, or more popular, a planet called Planet X, in a rogue orbit, will collide with earth. Another theory is attack by aliens from another planet, and of course nuclear war, which will, naturally, begin the the middle east. More confusion. Which one is it?  Nobody really knows, but this was all started because the Mayan calendar stops at December 12, 2012. Think about this. What makes this calender so damned important? Were they really prophets as reported on the internet?  I say, a couple of Mayans assigned to work on the calender had a little problem. Maybe, they just quit. "Hey, Jose, I'm tired of this calender crap. We been at it for 500 years. Let's just quit". "You know what Miguel, you're right. I just saw the Chief's daughter in her new outfit for the alter sacrifice, let's go chase her around"!  And they left. Or, "Hey Miguel, you put one more date on this calender wheel and I'm gonna break your knee caps because you're doing this instead of tryin' to get the pesos you owe me!" And Miguel just ran away, never to be seen again.  I think that was a scene in The Godfather, but they used Italian guys and a roulette wheel. Anyway, maybe they just quit. Maybe that's when the Spaniards invaded. No one can validate this story anymore than 2012 being the end of the world. It's just more confusion.

In spite of it all, like you, it drives me nuts if I think about everything. Concentrate on living one day at a time. Do whatever you need to do to provide for yourself and your loved ones (no robbing banks though). Be happy you're here another day, regardless of how screwed up everything is. Sure, the economy might collapse, but what can you do but keep on going until it does. Even then, keep a safety net of a little cash or gold under the mattress. Don't want those salmonella infested peppers, or whatever, switch to brussel sprouts (yuck!), or eat the peppers anyway and get a good clean out.  Will the world end in four years, maybe. It might end tomorrow. If you hear about the big asteroid coming, and see that bright fireball in the sky,what can you do about it anyway?  Me, I'm going to the highest hill I can find and enjoy the best fireworks display ever, second only to dying while having sex with the woman I love.  I can tell you this much, worrying about it all, and becoming more confused and frustrated, might give you a heart attack guaranteeing the end of your world. That's the one thing I'm not confused about!

 

Me and My FICO

Okay, so I checked my FICO score today, and, well I'm not too happy. I mean, when you were a kid, and the teacher was yelling at you about not ruining your permanent record, this is what she was talking about. She just didn't explain it. This is what it's all about today. This little three digit number calculation, based on your credit reports, is what makes the world go around. A high score, and the world is at your fingertips. A low score, and the financial world views you as a credit serial killer. In fact, as an adult, unless you are a serial killer, child molester, or rapist, this score holds high regard in peoples view of you.  Many minor criminals can do jail time, but if their credit score is good, they can get whatever they want. In fact people will say, "He's a dirt bag otherwise, but he's driving a nice car because his credit is good", or, "Look at that guy, he was convicted of wire tap fraud, but he always pays his bills. Now every girl in town wants him because he has a great credit score, and can buy them whatever they want". I mentioned in another blog, that I know women that won't even date a guy if his score goes below 700. Its getting to the point that you have to fill out a credit app just so they can check your score before you order at Burger King, and ask for extra ketchup. "Sorry sir, your score is a little low, so no extra ketchup".  It's all about the image.

Now, we all believe that this score is a reflection of how we pay are bills. This is most, but not all of it. It also takes into effect your debt ratio, how much you pay on those bills, and the length of time you have those credit cards. I pay all my bills on time, but maxed out those cards, and that score dropped like a rock. Apply for a new card, and guess what, down it goes. Get upset at a department store over some bad merchandise, don't pay the bill, and the score drops, even if your right. Say the word credit, and your score drops. My 87 year old mother has a great score and had to make a dental payment which nearly maxed out one of two credit cards and- guess what. In fact what I don't get about this system, is that it doesn't take income into account, because my mother hasn't worked in twenty five years, and American Express did everything they could to convince her to take a card.  It doesn't make sense but, we base our whole life, and our ability to buy anything we can't pay cash for on this FICO thing.

After a few sleepless nights about my FICO, I think I finally figured a few things out. It's all about the banks. They want us to have great credit scores to buy that house or car, or apply for that platinum Visa card, but then they want it to drop, so they can charge more interest. Call me paranoid, but this conspiracy theory makes sense. That letter in the mail from Mastercard says,"Based on your great credit score, we're offering you a gold card with a $10,000 limit, at 0% interest for the first year, and 4% after that".  So,who wouldn't take it. You sign up, and the card comes. At 0% for the first year, you max it out on a big down payment for your new Lexus.  Hey, it's free money for a year. But, wait. You maxed  it out, and your making minimum payments. Your score drops.  "Based on our recent credit score check, we find we are unable to continue offering your card at 0% and have raised the rate to 14%", says the next letter from Mastercard. Shit.  Now the payments are higher, so one month your late a few days. Late charge $39.00.  '" Based on your recent late payment, we have raised your interest rate to the default rate of 29%. Good Luck", says the next letter.  Okay, so now the great score is just an average score, and the bank makes bank because you have a low FICO!  What a gimmick. No wonder why the credit card industry put my loan sharking Uncle Vito out of business.

I say to hell with FICO. Not only is it a system for the banks to make more money, its also the biggest tattle tale system in the world. Late on one bill, and you're scorned by everyone. I say, don't pay on time, and if Mastercard cancels you, so be it, but if Visa wants to take a chance, why not. I mean you'd think they'd be happy I screwed the competition. And why so much importance on this in our society. We have 'In God we Trust' on our money because in this country money is a God. What about other things in life?  What if they had a morals FICO. "Hey I heard John just cheated on his wife and his moral score dropped to 200". Now no woman will touch him",  or, how about, "I heard Mrs. Smith stole three pies from the grocer." What a bitch, I hope her score goes down 50 points and no more pies for her". With a moral score, we'd probably all be in trouble, but it's a thought. Let's get off this idolizing money in this world. Yes, we all need it, it's great to have it, and we need to responsible with it, but there's more than this to life. I have yet to hear anyone say on their deathbed, "My only regret is not having a better FICO score".

America the Rotund

Yes I'm overweight. About 35 pounds overweight. I've heard, though, that I'm not in a minority since most of America has a weight problem. In fact, the World Health Organization names America as the "fattest country on earth."  Some of us are mildly overweight- about 10-20 lbs; some of us just plain fat,- about 20-50lbs overweight,( like me);  some of us obese- 50 plus pounds; and some of us are so big, we have objects orbiting around us. How disgusting.

The news that the New York city health department now requires fast food chains to post calories on their menus brings me to the point of this story. Now that there are so many of us bulging around the waist, it was time for the government to step in. Now when we go to a McDonalds's, we'll know just how much that Big Mac will cost us in calories. Just think of it, no more wondering if this stuff will add to our "bottom line".  Let's see, a Big Mac is 600 calories!! Wow! Well, I'm off to Whole Foods to buy a head of lettuce. Wait a minute, I can have a McSalad instead. Yeah, that's the ticket from now on it's McSalads only. But, what about Burger King?  A Whopper has got to be less calories. In fact, I know a six piece fried chicken meal at KFC has got to be less calories, I mean it's chicken, right?  You know what though?  I really wanted a burger! Screw this I'm having a double cheeseburger with bacon, it's 20 calories less than the Big Mac. See, it worked! If those calories weren't posted, I would have had that Big Mac. I saved twenty calories! Now I can have a milkshake!  Right. Anybody sensing some sarcasm here. Yeah, me too.

The government. Our Big Brother. Our Father. Our Mother. That's the point. Why do we have to have this? When will we, as people, go back to taking responsibility for ourselves, and our children. Yeah, it's good to know you can ask about calories, but is it just about fast food?  What about high end food establishments? Let's take Morton's Steak House for instance. Now, I'm not picking on Morton's, but you have a 16oz. strip steak, a loaded baked potato, some sauteed mushrooms and mud pie for desert,you can bet it's going to be more calories than a meal at McDonald's. I know, I looked it up! No requirements for that to be posted on the menu though. It's not fast food. Our brilliant lawmakers want to post fast food because they believe most of Americas blubber problem comes from this. A family of five on a low income is not going to be eating at Morton's.  They need to be educated, according to the government. Well, if they can't figure out that a Quarter Pounder with cheese is not exactly health food, than they don't care what the calorie count is. A guy made a movie called "Super Size Me", about how he ate at a McDonald's every day for a month and gained 30 plus pounds. Do you think? Nothing against this guys movie making skills, but we couldn't figure the ending out? Eat a Grand Slam at Denny's twice a day and see what happens. I watched a ballgame at a buddy's house and we were all digging into six varieties of potato chips and four different beers. The calories are posted on every bag and bottle. We are all overweight, (except one guy who's thin enough to hide behind a wheat stalk and he had a heart attack last year-go figure). But, no one cared because that's what we wanted to eat. Mom and the three kids wants some Happy meals at Mickie D's, and that's what they are going to get. Calorie count or not.

Now, some of  you are thinking, "We think its good to post this info about calories, it might save a life, or keep us healthier". Maybe so. Nothing wrong with posting it. It just doesn't need to be a law. More things for the government to control, means more government employees to police it, means higher taxes. My waist may not shrink, but my wallet will. McDonald's has a website with all the nutrition facts, and flyers on the counter in the stores, so police yourselves.  But, if your that health conscious, or on some strict diet, going to a fast food place is like buying a $300,000 Ferrari, and complaining about the gas mileage. Stay the hell out of fast food places. As far as us "fatso's" causing insurance premiums to go up (we've heard this one before), then let's all get thin, and if the insurance companies lower their premiums, I got a bridge for sale.

Moderation. Control yourselves. Use some common sense. I haven't, that's why I have to look in the mirror to see my,- well you know. But, I don't blame anyone, and don't expect anyone to pass laws because I can't drive past a pizza parlor without spotting.  I know pizza has got calories, and a lot of them. Posted or not. That famous line in the movie "The Godfather" wasn't " Leave the gun, and check the calorie count on the cannolis before you take them". Get the point. Hmmm, cannolis.....!!  Maybe I'll just have half of one. 

Wackos on a Plane

Flying. What a wonderful experience!  What a pain in the ass! This is the one mode of transportation that draws more attention than a Mini Cooper filled with twelve naked clowns. Why?  Because it's both miraculous and frustrating, and after 9-11, can also be a little unnerving. Lately it's been getting alot of press, and not just for rising fuel costs, and multiple airline bankruptcies and mergers. Nope. What amazes me, is the increase of what I call "wackos" on a plane. Those that create havoc and problems for both passengers and crew, with little reason why, other than to just be jerks. I wonder what these people are like in a regular setting? Maybe they're just nice people who are affected by a change in air pressure. Maybe they're so scared of flying, creating a scene is better than quietly crapping in their pants.  Who knows. I'm not a doctor, but someone should do a study on this.

Recently I've read about a guy who grabbed a flight attendants ass, (I tried this once, but I had the foresight to do it in the terminal), a women who punched a flight attendant because she was told she couldn't smoke on a plane (this was banned about 20 years ago, so this passenger was obviously on more than cigarettes), a guy who got so drunk he started tossing ice and glasses at the crew, and a whole family that was tossed off a flight because the kids were climbing around the plane and screaming like chimpanzees while in flight.  I could go on and on- more drunks, more fights, more screaming, yelling and kicking, and my favorite one, the guy who was in a hurry to get off the plane so he opens the emergency door and deploys the chute. Yes, this actually happened.  What the hell is wrong with these people?  Now, a lot of you might think, "Hey, the airlines are the problem. The flights are cramped, the snacks stink, the prices are high, the luggage gets lost, the planes are late, and the crews are rude."  Yes, you'd be right sometimes. I mean, even a broken clock is right twice a day. So that justifies rude behavior? Use your head! Got a complaint, let the airline know, but don't sacrifice safety at 30,000 feet!

So here we are, in an aluminum tube, about 12 feet in diameter, about 150 feet long, flying six miles high at about 500 miles per hour (for you plane buffs that want to criticize, this fits a 727-200, the most common model used), and then some jerk wants to cause a problem? He starts screaming about how screwed up the flight is because he wanted peanuts, and all they had left was a bag of pumpkin seeds. The flight attendant, some 30 something, 110 pound female, goes up to this 200 pound six foot male idiot and tells him to calm down, so he starts using more four letter words than an episode of the Sopranos.  At the same time, some three year old in the seat in front of him, starts crying because he's afraid of this guys big mouth, so the mother of the toddler, who weighs about 220 herself, turns around and tells him to shut up. He promptly responds with a hearty ,"Up your ass lady", which results in another flight attendant coming up, a male this time, who looks like he couldn't make the badmitten team in high school ( I'll get some flack from male flight attendants on this), and says to him, "Sir, you have to calm down now or......."  "Or what, you'll throw me off the plane?", responds the idiot. "No, sir", says the attendant, "we will have to restrain you until the pilot lands".  So here's me sitting across the aisle thinking, restrain him? These flight attendants couldn't restrain a goat. The wacko stands up and says, "Yeah, you and who else". So, me being the hero (I think), says, "Me, that's who else!" The guy in front of me says, "Yeah, me too". He was bigger than me so this will help. Than I thought, a fight on a plane?  This is nuts. There's about 160 people in this tube with a 26 inch aisle, and three guys and two flight attendants are going get into a brawl with this jerk? Sugar Ray had it easy compared to this. What if we hurt this guy?  I mean so what, he's a jerk, but what do you do with a guy who has a compound fracture in his arm at 30,000 feet?  It takes an hour to land even when you're over an airport these days. "Excuse me, just step over the guy with the busted arm laying in the aisle if you have to use the lavatory, sir".  What if he dies, or worse yet, what if I get killed in this fight?  "Please don't use the lavatory on the left lady, there's a dead guy in there".  "Sorry folks, no coffee on this flight, we had to crack the pot over some guys head to calm him down".  Hey, it could happen.  We could just toss him out the emergency exit while we're up here, and those that don't get sucked out of the plane can enjoy the rest of the flight.  It's a thought.

Yes, the guy was restrained by the attendants, calmly, and brought up to the front of the plane so they can keep an eye on him until the landing. I guess that's one way to get into first class, without buying the upgrade. My point is, why create a problem when safety is involved. A bus, a cab, even a train and you can stop and toss the person out. Not on a plane. You're stuck with 100 or more other people until you land. No, "I'm pissed, I think I'll go for a walk".  No, "The service stinks, I'm leaving".  You're stuck. You and everybody else. So if, flying doesn't agree with you, or your upset at the airline because they didn't calculate your frequent flyer miles right, don't even get on my flight. Drive, take the bus, and complain to the airline when your on the ground. Keep the kids calm, and your shoes on (the odor!), because at 30,000 feet we all have to live with you.

By the way, someone let the flight attendant know that I'm upset that those jerks in security took my.....never mind, I'll shut up now!   

Room with That?

So todays news brought us something we never expected. Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Six Hundred! Now, in keep in mind they have about 14,000 stores in the U.S. so this is about 4% of their operations. The news also said this means about 12,000 people will lose their jobs. Twelve thousand? How many people does it take to run a coffee shop?  At this number, that's about 30 people per store. That means, not counting the corporate office, these 14,000 stores employ 420,000 people! Did the Assoicated Press mis-print this? Is it possible that this many people work there? I mean between Starbucks, and the Federal Government, I don't think anybody works anywhere else. I don't work, obviously, because I'm in front of a computer writing this. But, c'mon, if Starbucks has this many people, how come it takes so damn long to get a cup of coffee?  I know this little hole in the wall donut shop that has three old ladies working there, 10 hours a day, and I can get coffee and donuts in half the time, at half the price.   So, what is it?

Starbucks has become an enigma in this country. Gotta love their marketing people. They built 14,000 plus stores in just a few years, put a nice coprporate design in all of them, and then have fair service at best, and usually crappy coffee. Do I go there? Yes. Why? Well, they're everywhere. I was waiting for them to put one in my driveway. Unfortunatly, that's not gonna happen now. Everyone I know goes there. Except the older cop friends of mine, they're at the donut shop with the old ladies. Believe me, its about the donuts not the help. Starbucks, though, is a place for people to see other people, to meet in the morning, and say hi, or talk a little. A a place to meet as a landmark to go elsewhere. "Meet me at the Starbucks on Bascom Street, then you can follow me to my office", some of my business associates have said, or, " Meet me at the Starbucks on Capitol Drive, and I'll take you to my apartment", says the girl to the guy who's cheating on his wife.  So I've heard.  Either way, it's not only about the coffee. Oh yeah, their are those that say they have to have their Carmel Frappachino Machiato double dipped, three shot, lowfat, half and half,double squirt...well you get the idea. It's just a milkshake, in my opinion.

Starbucks created a culture. I bitch everytime I go there,"Why don't they call a large coffee large, what's with this Venti shit, or, "Why is the customer prep area for the cream and sugar, exactly 1.5 square feet, why isn't it bigger, so I don't have to wait behind someone who stirs their coffee like their mixing paint", and my biggest gripe,"How long does it take to get a cup of coffee!" See, I just have to have coffee, in fact I need coffee in the morning. I might murder someone if I don't get a morning cup! John Hopkins University classified coffee addiction as a disorder! Can you believe this, I'm actually sick!!  Can I get disability pay for this?  Regardless, I'm still their six days out of seven (on the seventh day, I'm at the donut shop). But, why Starbucks? Maybe I'll get a look at some hot secretary on her way to work. Maybe I'll meet up with an old friend I haven't seen in a while. Maybe its just because the're so close together, I can drive in a semi-comatose state, and still wind up at a Starbucks.

Yeah, we really love our coffee in this country. Still, I'd love to see a few more independent shops, or a little competition for them. It used to be everyone in the neigborhood would go to a little coffee shop run by a some locals, and chat. Now the neigborhood is the Starbucks. Six hundreed stores closing? It might be the current economy, I mean they're not cheap. Maybe they just built a little too much, too fast. Maybe America is looking for their next culture hang out.  Either way, I'll probably be at the Starbucks tomorrow morning, asking for a medium cup of coffee and confusing all the help because I didn't ask for a Grande Pike's Peak Guatamalan Juan Valdez Donkey riding mild drip with room. Fuggetaboudit!!